Perfect imperfections

I was listening to John Legend's song, All of me. The words got stuck in my head, " Cause all of me loves all of you...all your perfect imperfections". What does he mean by perfect imperfections?

We grow up believing in the fantasy of "true love" or "soul mates" where two perfect people love each other to have a perfect life. Ancient fables, children's story books, Disney movies, and romantic novels all end with the prince and the princess living happily ever after. But is real life and love "perfect" ? 

Let's face the truth, most of us are not perfect. If we are honest, most of us have many flaws. We can have bizarre traits, wired habits, bad tempers, quixotic personalities and more. Often we are bitter as our lovers never meet our fairy tale expectation of being "perfect" or we blissfully project "perfection" onto them and ignore who they really are. Both these strategies are bound to fail on the long run.

Mybe the reason we are unhappy with love is this obsession with an impossible perfection. May be true love is accepting our lovers for who they are. Maybe true love is two imperfect people who are perfect for each other, as they can adore each other's " perfect imperfections". if they can't adore the imperfections hope they can at least tolerate them, as everything else is almost perfect. I guess that's what the song" All of me" is about.

But, not all imperfections can or should be  tolerated. An extreme example would be an abusive partner, but it could be anything about them you can't live with, especially if you gave them enough chances to change. It might be trivial to others, but if it bothers you then don't ignore it. Some times walking away is not cowardice, but courage.

10 Commandments To Love & Live By

The word "commandment" has an air of absoluteness, but I think there is a reason we need commandments. Though we have wisdom, we seldom have the will  to live by it, unless it has the force of a commandment.   Each of us often falter, in similar ways repeatedly, so we need "personal"commandments to remind us not make the same mistakes, in life and love. Now is a time of reflection for me and here are my commandments I hope not to falter from:

Love thy self. Happiness starts with you. Not your relationships, not your career, not what you have. Don't define yourself by other people, positions, or possessions.

Be thy self. Be a geek! Be a goofball!  Embrace who you are, even if you make a fool of yourself. Don't pretend to be someone else just to make others happy and seek their validation. 

If you love someone, love them for who they are. If there is something about them you can't live with, don't stay in a relationship out of guilt, or have a naive hope that things will change. A lifetime of habits don't change easily, especially if one doesn't want to change.

Don't give up easily, but when it's time to let go...let go. It takes courage to let go and accept uncertainty the future holds.

In love and life, don't give to get. Seek happiness in the giving itself, but don't give more than you can or more than you are willing to give, just to win someone's attention or affection. If they truly love you, they will love you for who you are.

Listen to your heart. Use your mind, but don't ignore your heart. If you have a gut feeling, heed to it.

Be happy...life is too short not to. Embrace every moment! There is beauty and happiness in every moment, if you chose to see it.  Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Take chances! Don't be afraid to fail or get hurt, but learn from your failures.

Don't be afraid to be sad or angry ...Sadness and anger are as much a part of life, as happiness is...

...but, before you speak in the heat of an emotion, think!  Say what you think, but be kind to others and yourself, not just for others sake but for your sake as well. What you say has the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Hope

Hope is like a distant quivering flame when sailing the dark seas of life. If you believe in it, it has the power to keep you afloat and lead you ashore, but when you stop believing in it you sink in the metaphorical darkness and vastness of the sea called life.

Hope is needed for survival just as much as any other "vital necessity". Like air to breath, food to sustain our bodies, love to sustain our hearts, we need "hope" to sustain our minds and souls.

Hope lets us endure life's vicissitudes, dreams shattered, loves lost and in fact hope gives us "hope" when none could rationally exist. In a cold scientific sense it cannot be captured or explained in a predictive equation of future outcomes. Hence we turn to religion, philosophy, literature, theater and music to feed our hungry & famished souls...we find hope in the brave deeds of a mythical super hero, in the passionate words of a poet, in the pop song that transports us to a different world, or in the guardian angel protecting us...but the paradox of hope is that it works best if you unquestionably and faithfully believe in it, even though you can't tell if it is delusional or real at that moment. I hope we all have indomitable strength to find "hope" in such dark times.

Scars

Scars... We all have them... Some visible and some not. Some on our skin and, some in our minds and hearts. They leave "indelible marks" which constantly remind us of the past. The fire of the wounds past dies, but the embers, of the scar, still burn from time to time. We can try to hide them, but we can't change the fact that we have them or erase the stories behind them. Despite our denial, our scars are part of us and have made us who we are. We can be bitter and wear our scars with spite and shame, or we can be proud and wear them as symbols of triumph over darker times...

...when I see her lying naked in bed with her tangled hair, serene face, her curves, her glowing skin...and her scars, she looks beautiful! The scars are not imperfections. They are indeed a sign of perfection, as they tell the story of a woman who has embraced, endured and triumphed the darker times of her life elegantly and bravely.  She is beautiful not despite the scars, but because of them.

The Girl at Ptarmigan Tunnel

I was backpacking in Glacier, and it was a steep hike up to Ptarmigan Tunnel. I was curious about what lie ahead, but wanted to rest and catch my breath, before I went through the tunnel.  I put my backpack down, and looked through the tunnel. I saw light at the other end, and the silhouette of a girl. Her hair was delicately dancing in the howling wind. Even from a distance it was clear she was a backpacker and not a day hiker. 

I fell in love with the silhouette and the idea of a lone girl-backpacker braving the elements and rough terrain, courageously in search of beauty. She started walking into the tunnel and towards me. I got nervous! I was praying she lives up to the image I conjured up in my head. Her silhouette grew bigger and bigger and she emerged from the tunnel. Her hair was unkempt and ruffled. The skin on her face was rough, sun and wind burnt. Her legs were hairy and unshaven. There were holes in her hiking shorts. She smiled at me, casually jumped on to the edge of a precipice, and sat there. Her feet were dangling thousands of feet above a valley. Deep down in the valley, the mighty conifers looked like tiny toy trees, and the lake looked like a puddle. She closed her eyes momentarily, felt the sun on her face, and opened her eyes to look at the lofty mountains in the distance. She looked peaceful and like she belonged there. She was blissfully lost in the moment … 

There was something oddly and ruggedly beautiful about her. Her face was serene and calm. There was a defiant spark in her eyes. Her body looked dainty and delicate, yet strong. She was wild, unkempt and untamed. She was beautiful, not despite that, but because of that.

We have to appreciate beauty when we see it, whether it is in, the lofty peaks of the mountains, the shimmering waters of the lake, or a beautiful girl, ...with no other expectation, than the hope that such beauty exists in the universe. The majestic mountains or the tranquil lake never acknowledged my presence, but were breathtakingly beautiful… and so was she.

Why we believe what we believe?

I recently had a friendly but rather erudite discussion on whether "game of thrones" is a cool show. I think it is. Needless to say there was disagreement, and it got me thinking...

...Why do we believe what we believe? It applies to life's mundane questions, like, "Is game of thrones a cool show?"or to life's profound questions like, "Is gay marriage right?". We like to believe our beliefs are rational, but if we honestly trace them all the way back, our most fundamental beliefs, especially moral beliefs (what's good, what's bad or what's right), are either instinctive ( that we are born with) or what we were socially and parentally conditioned to believe as children. The "mature-adult beliefs" are not necessarily truths we reach by rational deliberation, but are often rationalization of our beliefs by deliberation. Sometimes the belief itself might be logical and rational, but that's not primarily why we believe it.

If you teach a child, it is a sin to stare at daisies, he might grow up to live with perpetual guilt as he can't help but like daisies. Instead of questioning and rejecting the ingrained irrational belief, he might go on to justify the guilt and the belief with scientific" or "theological" rationalizations like, "daises are poisonous", or " daises are the devils flowers". It takes a tremendous amount of cognitive and emotional effort to be critical of instinctive irrational beliefs, which are not life affirming, and to change them. We are capable of rationality, but more often than not we are predictably irrational or arational.

Everyday heroes

We sometimes find inspiration, when we least expect it, while we are chugging through our mundane lives…We find inspiration, not in a epic discovery by a famous scientist, not in a masterpiece by a gifted artist, not in a grand philanthropic venture by a celebrity, but in the simple acts of “everyday heroes”… the patient with debilitating Multiple Sclerosis who still passionately pursues his job; the endearing daughter who is by her sick father’s bedside, daily for months; the exhausted "post-call" resident who stays with a dying patient; the nurse who tirelessly works to save a “crashing patient”; the father with a terminal brain tumor, who smiles and tells his daughter, “daddy loves you and everything will be OK”. It is not grand gestures, but such simple daily acts that make the world a better place. So let's appreciate the everyday heroes in our lives and strive to be one ourselves.

Hope and dying

After a few years of caring for patients, death ceases to perturb us. I don't mean we are heartless, but that on most days, we help our dying patients without getting distraught...Then there are days we realize we are after all human and can't help but feel. Yesterday was one of those days. My patients were dying despite desperate and heroic efforts. Should I give up or try harder? It is never an easy decision, as hope lingers, like the smoldering embers of a dying flame..., that if I try a little harder I can cheat death and give them just a little more time to say their good byes, or fulfill one last dying wish, but I couldn't ...I helplessly watched a loving mother struggle to smile at her daughter, before her last breath; A son desperately clutch his fathers hands as he slowly slipped into a coma; A husband watch his wife listless and lifeless on a ventilator, with tears silently trickling down his cheeks. These moments had the sad and certain inevitableness of a gloomy sunset leading to the pitch darkness of a night...I can look at these moments and see death, suffering and helplessness in the face of mortality, but I can also look at those moments and see love, hope and courage in the face of adversity. I can chose to feel sad and helpless or chose to embrace the inevitableness of these moments and admire the relentless dedication and undying love of a doting mother, a caring daughter, a loving son and a faithful husband. I can chose to be inspired by courage and hope that the families showed as their loved ones were dying... A hope that even after the darkest of nights the sun will rise. We can't always cheat death or destiny but we can certainly chose how we look at them.

If today was your last day

I saw a 19 year old unexpectedly die yesterday and it got me thinking...
We all live on borrowed time and we all eventually die. I think what scares us most is not the moment of death itself, but the moments we have from now to then, and how we live those moments. Some have days, some have years and some have decades of moments left in their lives. We spend most of our lives worrying about death or the moments in the distant future, and don't fully experience the "now"...to b...e alive in and embrace every moment...a sunrise, a rainbow, a thunderstorm, a starry night, a smile, a hug, a kind word, a melody, a run, smell of fresh cookies, a great book, or a conversation with friends...
... Our minds are often so engrossed in our future, or lost in our bitter past, that we forget that the only absolute certainty is the "now", this moment, this fraction of the moment... So let's embrace it and If possible enjoy it. I am not saying we need to decadently indulge in the present with a blatant disregard of the future. We can still try to live this moment without jeopardizing the future. I love the quote :" live like you'll die tomorrow, but plan like you'll live for ever". Hope we can live by this motto.

Snow runs

I love warm sunsets and beach runs, but a "snow run" is beautiful in its own way. As you run on a jet-black asphalt trail that cuts through a vast unending stretch of pristine white snow, along a babbling brook with sheets of ice drifting on it like tiny glaciers, to the sound of wind howling, the dog panting, the icy chill of cold air on your face, it's a great feeling! It's amazingly head-clearing, grounding, and mood-lifting.

A snow run is beautiful, not despite of, but because of the harshness and the cold. It gives you a sense that you can not only conquer the elements ,but dare I say enjoy them. A sense that you can embrace the metaphorical and literal "winters of your life", happily with open arms.

Sun, sand and running

There is something serene about running along the ocean. The sound of waves crashing on the shore, as the ocean glitters in the sunlight, like a sea of diamonds; the sight of a blue sky turn into lurid shades of crimson as the sun disappears over the horizon; the silhouette of a couple holding hands walking into the sunset; the laughter of kids playing on the beach; the splash of a pelican dive into the water; the warmth of the sun and the feel of a gentle sea breeze on your face. For a moment you are lost in the beauty and the vastness of it all. For a moment you are at peace. For a moment life and the world makes absolute sense. These are moments to treasure, as they will be beacons that guide us through the darker times of our lives.

A rainy day...

It was Tuesday morning on my long-awaited "eat, pray, run" vacation... I woke up, looked out the window, and saw it was foggy & raining. My heart sank! Then I looked again... beyond the rain drops on the window pane, beyond the fog, I saw the grey silhouette of a majestic ship with its shimmering lights, leaving a frothy wake in the tranquil river. In the background was the Talmadge bridge ,which in the fog, looked as if it was daintily floating in air, suspended by delicate cables. It was beautiful!...and I said to myself, what a wonderful day! I got up and ran on river street, along the misty Savannah river, listening to the bustle of trucks unload & seagulls caw, to the smell of fresh air & peppermint from a candy store, to the feel of wet sneakers on the cobbled street. Then I ran on the historic Bull street and in Forsyth park, among the hovering oaks with Spanish moss hanging like delicate chandeliers, along the cascading majestic fountains, amidst the presence of mighty statues of heroes past and I thought to myself, what a wonderful day! Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, It's about learning to dance in the rain... Or may I say run in the rain.

Awkward moments in love

A few days ago I had one of those, and it got me thinking ... There are moments when we feel awkward in love. That moment lasts a fraction of a second, but feels like a frustrating eon when you are waiting for the universe to give you a sign. Sometimes the universe reveals to you that it went well, but sometimes it doesn't. That's when you wish life had a pause and rewind button when you can go back in time and do things differently. The awkward moment when you think you said something "cool", but wonder what she is thinking. The agony of waiting to see whether she'll text back or what she will say after texting her. The first time you slowly reach to hold her hand. The moment when you lean in for the first kiss. The excruciating wait, for a phone call, the day after you meet her friends or family...
...I might be rationalizing, but I believe it is a good sign. I think the more we love and care about a person the more awkward we tend to be with them. It's not despite the awkwardness, but because of the awkwardness we cherish and remember those moments. I adore that shyness and nervousness when I see it and I take it as a sign of genuine love. So the next time you have an "awkward"moment or think you noticed it in someone you love, appreciate and celebrate it!

On being "single"

In a conversation on life and love, I was told that “ if love was easy then no one would be single”...
… I wonder if that is really true. Are people single because it is really hard to find “love” or is there more to it than meets the eye. I wish there were a simple & universal reason why people are "single". I think there is nothing more personal & uniquely individual than the meaning of love or the reason for being single.
I think being single is a choice we make, consciously or unconsciously, at times for the right reasons, but at times for the wrong reasons.
..Some people are single, because they don't want to " settle" till they find someone they truly love, and for the right reasons. Here too, some are pragmatic and realistic and some are delusionally perfectionistic. Some are single because it's their nature not to be " tied down to one". Some are single because they never ask themselves what they want out of love and life and accept blindly what others tell them. Then, they wonder why they can't find love and are unhappy. Some are single because they are so caught up in "life" that they don't have time for a relationship- the dedicated doctor, the crazy scientist, or the loving single mom who thinks the world of her daughter. Some are single because they are so scared to get hurt that they avoid love at all cost, and pass up life and love... I think the last one is the most common reason. Love is part passion, part reason, part trust and hope... At some point, in a relationship, you have to trust and hope everything will be fine and take the leap. Most people are afraid of the possibility of heartache if things don't work out, which holds them back from the most beautiful experience, which is love.
It takes courage, wisdom and integrity, to be single for the right reasons, and not to succumb to peer and societal pressure, where a relationship or the institution of marriage has become an end in itself, rather than a means to a fulfilling life. So If you are “single”, take some time to reflect on the real reasons, and not the rationalizations. Be single for the right reasons, than be in a relationship for the wrong reasons, but don't let the wrong reasons hold you back from finding true love.

What is love?

What is love? There are tomes, poems, article and blogs written on it, but nothing can quite capture the experience of love in words.  Rumi is right when he said it is a bitter-sweet passionate experience we need to embrace and give into, rather than analyze...but, alas, I am a thinkaholic, and couldn't help analyze it.

I think love is part passion, part reason, and part trust. There are certain things about love and it's reasons we can know and there are certain things about love that are beyond the grasp of reason. In the heat of passion we cannot be rational, and even after that we might not entirely know why we love someone. But, once we "simmer down" and reflect, we can truly ask ourselves if the object of our love personifies the values and virtues we seek in a lover. I am not denying that there is an ineffable element in love, we call "chemistry" or " attraction" which we should not dismiss, but a true and meaningful relationship can't be built on that alone.

 Love is a more enriching experience the moment you realize it is also part trust and part hope in the face of ambiguity and uncertainty. At some point you have to trust and hope everything will be okay and "You" will be okay regardless of what happens. Absolute clarity that your lover will love you faithfully and indefinitely, or that you will not be hurt, is impossible. You have to be willing to be vulnerable and be willing to give into love, for loves sake. In his song, 'And so it goes', Billy Joel elegantly describes this moment; "In every heart there is a room, a sanctuary safe and strong, to heal the wounds from lovers past...I'll share this room with you and you can have this heart to break". Only when you submit yourself to love and accept not just the good, but the possibility of pain or suffering, can you embrace and fully enjoy love. Even the worst of heartbreaks teaches you a valuable lesson in life and love, if you are willing to embrace the experience, than try to run away from it. So, I hope we can find the courage to fall in love and let not fear or the pursuit of an elusive clarity hold us back.

Who is a bitch?: Cultural investigations of a confused "Desi"

This is not a poignant post. If you are in the mood for some mindless musings, then please read on. I was debating whether to post this or not, but then again, why not. A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend, over the phone. During that conversation she said “men love bitches”. I don’t know why, but it got me thinking…

… I am sure she didn’t mean it literally. If a guy wants a dog, I don’t think he minds either of the sexes. Honestly, I’d prefer a big male dog. I am a naïve brown kid, but I could still figure out what she meant by “bitch”. It is having certain “traits” men find attractive. I was also not sure if the statement was purely descriptive ( as a scientist describing a natural phenomenon) or prescriptive. If it were prescriptive, I needed to start “loving bitches”…but, who is a bitch?

The geek I am, I turned to Google, Wikipedia, Webster’s and Urban dictionary. None of them were helpful! So I told myself, what better way for a brown kid to learn about it, than immerse himself in popular culture and in conversations with more worldly and savvy people. So every time the universe uttered the word “bitch”, I tuned into that station, eager to unlock this enigma which held the key to my love life. The first time the universe spoke to me was through one of my friends (Sorry, I can’t take names), when he said “she is a bitch”. Enthusiastically I asked him, “Why is she a bitch”? His face turned red and asked me if I was taking her side. I told him, with utmost sincerity, that all I wanted to know was why she is a “bitch”. I didn’t get much out of him other than, “She is a bitch…plain and simple”. After some tactful probing, I learnt she was a bitch because she wouldn’t go out with him. That didn’t make sense, so I turned to rap and country music. I listened intently to both Jay-Z and Hugo singing “ I got 99 problems, and a bitch ain’t one”, but alas couldn’t find any answers there either.

I came to the realization that men are not very articulate beings and I was looking for erudition in the wrong places, so I turned to women. That was tricky business, as I now needed to go behind enemy lines. Like an eager and brave war-reporter I continued my quest. It was an exhausting and taxing quest. Let me tell you, women are really complicated creatures. They deceptively appear to be speaking “English” but in reality are speaking a different and highly nuanced language, way beyond the comprehension of a poor male brain like mine. But, nonetheless, I learnt something, and emerged out of this a bit wiser. She is a bitch… if she doesn’t return your call, if she doesn’t notice your new hair color, if she is cooler then you, if she is prettier than you, if she is your “frenemy”, if she “steals” the boy you had a crush on… well I can go on, but you get the picture. I was confused, but still got the general sense that it is a derogatory term. Just when I was coming to grips with this, the universe spoke again, when I was hanging out at a party. This time it was through a pretty girl, who every guy at the party was gawking at. She walked in, and looked around for her friends. Once she found them, she yelled out “what’s up bitches”, ran towards them and participated in some kind of ritual group hugging and jumping up and down… I was more confused. Now it’s a term of endearment! Still determined to clarify the issue, I went to seek the opinion of a girl I knew, who other girls called a “bitch”. What better way to learn than interviewing a “bitch”! After less than a minute of talking, she stood up with her hands on her hip, looked down at me and said “I am a bitch, and I own it”. Then she started singing, rather passionately, Meredith Brooks song, “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child…”. Now, it’s a badge of honor!

Well, I think I’ll never totally grasp the complex construct called “bitch”. How can I love a “bitch”, if I don’t know one, when I see one. After this exhausting “bitch-quest”, I still remain confused. A humble request to all my psychology and psychiatry friends, can you please come up with a psychometrically validated instrument to measure “bitichness” to help clueless men like me.

Should I give up or try harder?

Sometimes you run away, not from the things you fear, but from the very things you love. I always wondered why? Is it because you rather live with a delusional hope it might “eventually” come true, than face the painful possibility it might not, or even worse, the fear it will come true and it doesn't live up to what you conjured up in your head. It becomes easier to live in a dream then face reality. It becomes easier to escape into a make-believe world. You reach for the remote and live vicariously through a character on a TV show. You reach for a book where everyone lives happily ever after. You get lost in a song like Avicii’s “Wake me up” where you are stuck, metaphorically, in a childlike dream. You reach for a beer to sooth the angst of your strained heart and mind.

Then there are days you muster up the courage to step out of those dreams into reality. You find the courage to keep going despite the possibility of failure. You find the courage to embrace failure and emerge a better man from the experience. But, I have to confess, facing failure never becomes easy. When you fail well-meaning people say, “don’t take it personally”. When you fail a test, they say it’s just a “test” and not an entire reflection of you. When there are rejections, they say what others do is a reflection of what’s going on in their lives and little to do with you. I can certainly see some truth in this, but it is hard to believe it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes I wonder if these statements are just platitudes and rationalizations.

It’s easier to accept failure when there is clarity, but such moments of clarity when the universe makes sense are rare. Moments, when we know with certainty the reasons for failure. When we know it is, something about “them”, something about the “circumstances”, or something about “us”. Then, we can try to find the courage to change the things we can, and the grace to accept the things we can’t. But, failure in the face of ambiguity, which is more often than not, is hard to accept. Ambiguity about not just the reasons for failure, but ambiguity about whether we have “failed” or not. When a skeptical hope of success keeps smoldering, in your heart, like embers that never fade. Where do you draw the line between perseverance and a delusional persistence? Do you try harder or do you give up? Am I really that bad a dancer or can I get better if I keep trying? (I will shamelessly admit that I dance with the rhythm and grace of a ferret having a seizure); Is my manuscript really that bad or is the editor having a bad day?; Do I still keep looking for a diagnosis in this dying patient or stop. Does she likes me or does she like me not? Is this failing relationship salvageable or not? … Life is rife with such ambiguous moments.

Do we speculate the reasons and keep on trying, do we rationalize our failures and forget, or do we just cease thinking, accept we can never know and move on. For a thinkaholic like me the last option is worse than not breathing. May be the thing that holds us back in life is the pursuit of an elusive clarity that is impossible. Maybe there is no rhyme or reason why things happen, sometimes. Maybe we need to embrace and accept ambiguity, and paradoxically that might give us the peace we desperately seek in life.

Innocence in love

A few days ago, I was hanging out with friends. We started talking about love and relationships, over a few beers. With good intentions, the “jury’s” final verdict was that I was doing it "all wrong". It got me thinking…

… Call me naïve but, like a child who believes in Santa clause, I believe there is a kind of innocence in true love. A kind of innocence where you are not afraid to appear vulnerable. A kind of innocence where there is no pretentiousness, where you are honest with the other person and true to yourself. Where you listen to your heart and say what you genuinely feel instead of playing "the game" or following "the rules", which are being peddled by an entire industry of self-proclaimed gurus in love and relationships. By innocence I don't mean foolishly rushing into love. Yes, you need to take time to know the person, not do anything you are uncomfortable with and love her for the right reasons. That is different from "playing the game", and that requires a tremendous amount of insight into who you are and what you want out of life and love. I had well-meaning friends give advice, mostly unsolicited, on how to "play the game". Arbitrary rules like you don’t text back unless she does, always end a phone call first, don’t open up too fast, how to act on date 3, never play "friend" or "therapist”...and it goes on. Do we live in such a cynical world that the only way to find true love is by being a "bitch" or a "bad boy"?

Call me crazy, but I want to be deliriously in love where I can shamelessly and unabashedly let her know how I feel, and not love by rules. I want to text her that I miss her even when I am hanging out with friends on a Saturday night. I want to send her flowers & a note with sweet nothings for no reason. I want to send her a post card from the most beautiful place on earth, telling her how much more beautiful it would be if she were there. I want to hop on a plane and fly halfway across the globe, just to have coffee with her, to see if she is okay. At the risk of sounding anachronistic and naïve, I hope we can go back to the days of knights and poets who were unafraid to declare their love sincerely, be it in a serenade, a sonnet or a joust.

Have the courage and integrity to be yourself and be sincere. If she is the right one she will love the real you. If she doesn't, then maybe it isn't meant to be or maybe you need to reinvent yourself and make yourself worthy of love, a truth we often are afraid to face. I'd rather live a lifetime of such fleeting moments where I have loved earnestly and lost, than a lifetime in a relationship built on calculated manipulation by "the rules" or by playing the "game

Lovesick!

Call me a hopeless sentimental romantic, but I can’t get over the childish notion that there is nothing more blissful than falling head over heels in love, even if it is with someone you barely know. Even when you know it could be unrequited. It is a bitter sweet sickness and I wouldn’t want it another way. You spend your whole day hoping to see if the universe gives you a sign that she might be remotely interested in you. A “like” on a facebook picture, or a wish when your phone vibrates that it's her message, or a hope to catch a glimpse of her glancing at you. Each time your heart skips a beat and you feel sick in your stomach. Your brain tells your heart that it is irrational and stupid, but your naïve and childish heart never listens. Each time it feels like you are dying but feel more alive than ever at the same time. When she is sad or crying, you desperately wish you could wrap your arms around her, in the most innocent way, and say everything will be okay. You are painfully aware that all this could be a distant dream and in vain, but you still keeping hoping…

What if?

What if …? The dreaded question popped into my head. I panicked; I pondered. I pondered further and the moment passed, but I did nothing. Like a smoldering fire the thought still lingers “What if…?”

What and if are such benign words, but put them together they have the power to haunt you, or excite you incessantly. I heard some version of this quote in a movie whose name I can't remember, but it’s stuck in my head. The beauty of the statement is that it holds true for the most mundane to the most profound of life’s questions. What if I skip running today? What if I said “No” to my dearest friend? What if I ask that girl out? What if I tell my boss what’s really on my mind?

We can choose to imagine the worst, choose to ponder forever, and choose not to act. Then the “What if?” will haunt us for a lifetime. But, on the contrary, if we choose not to obsess over it endlessly and choose to act based on our best judgment at that moment, we stand a chance of realizing our desires and dreams. What if we fail? Often it’s our irrational fear of failure or our pursuit of an unrealistic version of “perfection” that holds us back from realizing our dreams and living a fulfilling life. Life is about taking chances and embracing failure. I guarantee, at some point in our life we will all fail. I hope we have the wisdom to know that no matter how bad it feels at that time, life will go on, dare I say happily, if we choose it to. The choice is ours though. It is not the circumstances that make us happy or sad, but our choices and our outlook on the consequences.

So I hope the next time the question, “What if ?” flashes in my mind, I have wisdom to make the right choice, courage to overcome my fears, integrity to go through with it, but above all the grace and serenity to accept the consequences.