A few days ago, I was hanging out with friends. We started talking about love and relationships, over a few beers. With good intentions, the “jury’s” final verdict was that I was doing it "all wrong". It got me thinking…
… Call me naïve but, like a child who believes in Santa clause, I believe there is a kind of innocence in true love. A kind of innocence where you are not afraid to appear vulnerable. A kind of innocence where there is no pretentiousness, where you are honest with the other person and true to yourself. Where you listen to your heart and say what you genuinely feel instead of playing "the game" or following "the rules", which are being peddled by an entire industry of self-proclaimed gurus in love and relationships. By innocence I don't mean foolishly rushing into love. Yes, you need to take time to know the person, not do anything you are uncomfortable with and love her for the right reasons. That is different from "playing the game", and that requires a tremendous amount of insight into who you are and what you want out of life and love. I had well-meaning friends give advice, mostly unsolicited, on how to "play the game". Arbitrary rules like you don’t text back unless she does, always end a phone call first, don’t open up too fast, how to act on date 3, never play "friend" or "therapist”...and it goes on. Do we live in such a cynical world that the only way to find true love is by being a "bitch" or a "bad boy"?
Call me crazy, but I want to be deliriously in love where I can shamelessly and unabashedly let her know how I feel, and not love by rules. I want to text her that I miss her even when I am hanging out with friends on a Saturday night. I want to send her flowers & a note with sweet nothings for no reason. I want to send her a post card from the most beautiful place on earth, telling her how much more beautiful it would be if she were there. I want to hop on a plane and fly halfway across the globe, just to have coffee with her, to see if she is okay. At the risk of sounding anachronistic and naïve, I hope we can go back to the days of knights and poets who were unafraid to declare their love sincerely, be it in a serenade, a sonnet or a joust.
Have the courage and integrity to be yourself and be sincere. If she is the right one she will love the real you. If she doesn't, then maybe it isn't meant to be or maybe you need to reinvent yourself and make yourself worthy of love, a truth we often are afraid to face. I'd rather live a lifetime of such fleeting moments where I have loved earnestly and lost, than a lifetime in a relationship built on calculated manipulation by "the rules" or by playing the "game